Come What Will
by Neon Star
Summary: Rating will rise as this goes on. The life of Xanatos, through his best friend's eyes.
1. Default Chapter

Don't own SW, don't own Xan, basically, only own Enovan, and a few OC chars.  
  
This is a rather strange fic, I'll say that now. But it would be great if you gave it a chance! :D Please r/r, thanks.  
  
Come What Will  
Well, it's only an hour more before sunrise, and then we're going to die, aren't we, Xanatos? It shouldn't end like this, not like this, but that's how it's going to be. I'm going to kill you, then die myself. Seems almost morbid, yet, for the galaxy's sake, its for the best. But if it's for the best, why does my heart quack at the thought of what I must do? Why does it feel like I am about to kill a part of myself? Why does it feel like someone has stabbed me through the gut and left me to die?  
  
I look down to you, to see you pale, weak. Yes, you know you're going to die, even if I didn't do it. When that ship crashed, the debris penetrated your back and shattered your spin. It's a rather sad and horrid way to die, Xan, of starvation and dehydration. Good thing I'm giving you the easy way out, right? You didn't do that for me though, you left me to starve to death, while your darkness became mine. I should let you rot, yet, some part of me still loves you as my best friend, still wants to end the pain we both feel. A part of me still pities you, because I know why you turned. It must have been horrible to go mad for that while, I know how it is, I nearly went mad when you turned, so I can understand madness. But I can't understand your madness, because, to be truthful, I've never really been in love. Vampires are not suppose to love, we're death bringers after all. Though, I think I loved M'jah. Yes, I loved her, just as you loved Malaika. See, perhaps I do understand your pain.  
  
You know, despite how pale and pained you look, you're still beautiful. It's sad to end such beauty. I remember to when I first saw you, I didn't know what to think of you, you were too beautiful, even as a child, to be mortal. Yet you were, and are. Those soul filled eyes of yours are haunting, mesmerizing, and soul freezing all at once. Just looking at them pains me. Why did you have to be born with such eyes? Yet I wouldn't wish another pair then the ones you have to adorn your face. Your skin used to be flawless, Xan, what happened? Now there is a half circle adorning your right check, and my soul pangs every time I look upon it. A mark to show the mutilation, the scaring of your soul? Yes, that is what it is. Ah, my best friend, what have you brought us to? I should hate you, should curse you as we sit here, waiting for death, yet I cannot. Too much lays within my heart, my love for you as my greatest friend, and hatred for what has become of you. But I could never hate you, fallen angel though you are.  
  
To think, this day has been foreshadowed since the moment I met you. Well, I said I would stick by you to the end. That I would protect you, that I would do everything within the powers that resided within me to help you. I swore that at an age when I didn't truly understand what I meant. But I do now, and here is where I fail, at our deaths. I couldn't fulfill it anyways; I couldn't protect you from everything. Though I tried my best.  
  
It seems like forever, and yet it has only been twenty years. Twenty years of friendship, sadness, love, and joy. Yes, Xanatos, you may have forgotten it, but I have not. And as I sit by your broken form, holding onto your pale hand, waiting for death, I want to remember it all, just one last time...  
  
I was three years old when they brought me to Coruscant. I was among the first of my kind to actually prove to be Force sensitive. Of course, there were others, but my Master and Mistress, or in the more common language, my parents, were the only ones of my kind willing to give their child up. They cried, yes, but they had told me I had a destiny to fulfill.  
  
From the moment I entered the Temple, I was treated differently from everyone else. I was a vampire after all, even if I hadn't showed my vampire traits yet. They thought that perhaps if I could be taught to hold it off until I was to be trained with a Master, then I could blood bind myself to that master, and all would be well. Didn't work out that way, seemingly.  
  
I can remember the very day I was allowed to enter the crèche. I had nearly been at the temple for three weeks before that, being checked and rechecked for any signs of my vampire self, and to see how my aggression levels were. I was fine; my aggression levels were abnormal for a human, past strangely low for a vampire. They couldn't understand it, but there was nothing keeping me from joining the rest of the kids.  
  
Healer Neron lead me to the crèche, and I remember how nervous I was. I had never met a human child before, or any other type of alien child for that matter. I was so used to adults, or other vampires, that I couldn't imagine what another child of a different kind was like.   
  
When we arrived, she let go of my hand, and gently pushed me forward. I looked into the large room, and nearly ran, for there in front of me were many children near my age, all of them involved in some game or other. I couldn't grasp the concept of so many children in one area, especially so many different kinds. In my world, children are rare; there were only maybe five hundred in a population of ten thousand. Not much, really, and I possibly had only seen one or two children in my entire short life at that time.  
  
But the moment I stepped into that room, I was overwhelmed. So many kids, too many in my honest opinion. I wanted to run back to Neron, but no, she was gone, and I was lost in a tide of children my own age. So, I fled to a corner, and just watched as the others played. I didn't understand their play, for I had never played myself. I only remember lessons and stories taught to me when I was that young. Yet I was faced with actual childhood then, and I knew not how to work within it.   
  
So I watched, and I learned what I could, though much of it didn't make sense to my isolated mind. Then I spied a flash of black hair, moving rapidly through the crowd. This shouldn't have caught my attention; there were a lot of black haired children in the room, yet the way the lights turned it an interesting shade of blackish blue, like the wings of what my people called a raven, a black bird. Then I caught a glance of wide midnight blue eyes, surrounded by a pale face, before it disappeared back into the crowd.  
  
I don't know why, but I felt drawn to those midnight eyes, to that pale face. I overcame my fears, and stepped into the crowd, to nearly be run over. You came running by, nearly colliding with me, but lithely side stepped me just before you could hit me. But your pursuers were not so lithe. They hit me dead on, causing both them and I to fall. I was floored by one of the larger boys in the group, but being as I am, the weight didn't bother me, nor knock the wind from me. It only annoyed me, as I could truly hear his racing heart perfectly.   
  
The boy glared at me as he stood, his dark eyes flashing at the thought of losing his prey. I didn't feel scared, what could a mortal do to me? Even at that age, I knew exactly what I was, and I knew what could and couldn't hurt me. Maybe that is why I've taken so many stupid risks...  
  
"I'm sorry," I told him.  
  
"No you aren't, runt, you got in my way on purpose," the slightly older boy growled.  
  
"No he didn't, Zeb! And I thought you were after me, not someone younger. Lost your nerve to fight already?" a voice came from behind me.  
  
I turned, to see the face I was pursuing. There stood before me was a boy of no more then five, with intelligent flashing blue eyes, a smirk twisting those pink lips, with a cherub face, that held just a little demon. I thought then I had found a fallen angel, not a mortal, and would have believed that idea, had not I heard your heart beating calmly in your chest.  
  
"Shut up, you know you are getting your beating soon enough. Why ask for it early?" Zeb sneered, pushing me aside to get in your face.  
  
"Oh, I would, if I didn't know Master Se' wasn't standing behind you," you said, and smirked.  
  
Zeb turned, and locked up into the calm, though slightly annoyed crèche Master.   
  
"I wasn't doing anything," he said lamely.  
  
"I'm sure you weren't, Zeberath. Now, why don't you leave them alone and return to your group?" Master Se' said, the stern tone just under the honey sweet one.   
  
He nodded, and motioned to his friends, then walked off quickly. Master Se' smiled fleetingly at us, before turning away to continue her watch.  
  
When she was gone, you approached me, a satisfied smirk on your lips.  
  
"He never learns. I always have a back up plan," you said, then stuck out your hand to me, "Hi, I'm Xanatos Crion, of Telos. You must be new."  
  
"Yes, I am..." I said, unsure of what to do.  
Grinning, you grab my hand, giving it one firm shake before letting me go, "Well, welcome to the crèche. What's your name?"  
  
"Enovan," I said, brushing a strand of gray hair from my face.  
  
"Great. You're the vamp boy, aren't you?" you asked, still grinning.  
  
"Yes," I said, nervous.  
  
You really did make me nervous during that time. I don't know what it was, probably your infectious hyperactive nature, and the fact you weren't afraid of me. You knew exactly who I was, and you weren't afraid. Even the adults had been slightly scared of me for what I was, yet you were really the first person to ever treat me like it didn't matter if I was a blood sucker or not.  
  
"Well, vamps have friends, right?" you asked.  
  
"Yes..." I said, unsure where you were taking this.  
  
"Do you want to be my friend?" you asked, that grin of yours threatening to split your face open.  
  
"I guess..." I said, unsure.  
  
I really couldn't imagine why you wanted to be friends with a vampire. I could easily have turned against you, you knew that. Yet you took the risk. And look what happened. But I never regretted agreeing, I never regretted you for asking.   
  
"Great! Come on!" you said, and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the fray of children. 


	2. To the start of things

Nurnoleiel Starseeker: I understand what you are trying to say. Yes, Enovan is talking to Xan, that is why its informal, since he is actually saying it to him. And yes, I like to write about vampires, call it an obession. ;) As to that particular fic, by the time this is up, that should be updated as well. Thanks for giving this a chance.   
  
Mistress Minako: Thanks for the comments. I'm glad you like my little blend, and my other stories. I admit, I haven't seen a vampire Jedi before this either, so I decided to give it a shot.   
  
Ilona1: Xanatos is one of my fav SW chars as well. Glad you love this, and the angst.   
  
Sorry to keep you all waiting for so long, here is the next part. Hope you enjoy it.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The first things I learned about you after you told me your name was that you were two years older then me, was in the advanced classes, and was the son of a wealthy family on Telos. The first few things you learned about me was my full name, after I got over my shyness, that I was going to be joining some of your classes because I had surpassed most of the others in my group because my Masters taught me from the moment I could speak. A few other things you learned, and you got slightly puzzled as I tried to explain why to you, was that I couldn't play, and I couldn't eat or drink regular food. In fact, at that time, I had zero substance, didn't need it, as vampire children don't take any substance till they are able to take blood. But considering I didn't care to do either eat or drink, not then, not now, it makes little difference. I still see food and drink as a rather mortal thing.  
  
Finally, I see you smile, and I'm glad, though my heart still pangs for the innocence we've lost. Once I believed that as long as you could smile, even in the worst situation, everything would be fine. We would get out, heal, and storm off for another adventure. But that isn't the case now, is it Xan?  
  
That first day with you was nerve wreaking for a young vampire like I was back then, but you made sure I couldn't back out by keeping a tight hold on my hand.  
  
"Come on, Enovan," you had chirped happily, dragging me into the thickest group of children, who seemed to be in the middle of playing pretend.   
  
"Xani, you actually got away from Zeb?!" a young girl asked as she approached us, her eyes already looking you over for injuries.  
  
I was stunned by the looks of her, and from then on, I had feelings for her deep within my heart. You know of whom I speak. Our dear sparkling aqua eyed lady, M'jah.   
  
"I'm fine, M'jah, and I did, thanks to Enovan," you said and grinned, pushing me forward.  
  
She looked to my confused and shy face, and smiled appreciatively before tackling me in a grateful hug.   
  
"Oh, thank you for saving Xani!" she giggled and pulled away.  
  
"I didn't do much..." I trailed off.  
  
"He did too, he distracted Zeb until I could get Master Se'," you said, that little grin still on your face.  
  
"You're so brave. Zeb can be scary at times," she said, smiling a little wider at me before taking my hand, "Come on, you can play with us. And protect Xan of course," she finished and winked at you.  
  
"I don't need protecting, M'jah," you muttered playfully, rolling your expressive eyes.  
  
"Whatever, Xan," she giggled.  
  
I always loved M'jah´s giggles, they always warmed my soul. Even now, near the end, I can hear them, and my heart is beating in sorrow and joy mixed. Oh, I have missed her giggles. She hasn't laughed or giggled, or even smiled since things began to fall apart... I had best continue, time is short....  
  
"Play?" I asked, uncertain.  
  
You both turned to me, looks of shared confusion on your faces.  
  
"Don't you know how to play?" she asked.  
  
"No...." I said, looking at both of you, wondering if I said something wrong.  
  
"Oh dear, Xan, looks like we need to help your friend," she said, trying to act as serious as an adult, and she nearly made it if not for the twinkle in her eyes.  
  
"I think so," you said, not even trying to be serious, that infuriating grin sneaking further onto your face before you grabbed my other hand again and helped her drag me into the fray.  
  
"Xan, back already?" a young boy asked.  
  
"You bet, Bor," you said, then coughed loudly to get everyone's attention.  
  
They turned to you, and I was shocked by the respect I sensed in the air. They respected and loved you Xan. You protected them from bullies like Zeb, yet they couldn't protect you when you needed them.  
  
"Alright, where did we leave off?" you asked, letting go of my hand.  
  
"Hmm, well, the Council," the boy, Bor, pointed to himself and six other children, "Was sending you and a set of knights to fight the Sith," he said, pointing to a group of children off to the side.  
  
"Ah, thanks. Hey, Enovan, want to be my fellow knight? M'jah is already my Padawan," you said.  
  
"I guess... How does this go?" I asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
"Just pretend," you said.  
  
"What is this pretend?" I asked, wondering how I could even begin to fit in if I couldn't even pretend, or knew what it was.  
  
"It is when you become something you are not, just for fun. Like becoming a knight, playing as a knight going on great adventures, like we will when we become Padawans," you explained, patiently doing so, for which I was eternally grateful.  
  
"I think I get the idea," I said, still uncertain, but wanting to remain a friend to you.  
  
"Great, hopefully you'll understand after we play for a bit," you said, and then raised your voice, slipping into pretend mode, "Come, my fellow knights, we shall vanquish this foe!"  
  
This launched us into my first game of play. I had never before known what fun truly was until that, and even to this day I wander at the feeling. At then end of it, when the teachers had called us to supper and then bed, I knew I had made my first true friends, and I was happy.  
  
The years passed in much the same way. We were taught our lessons, we played, you ate and I began to jab you after a while about being mortal. But I didn't realize how much a curse my own immortality was, until I had to pay the price, and you paid it with me. And for that, I shall always feel guilty, and yet shall always thank the Force in the same breath. So much pain and joy came out of such a mistake.  
  
They still can't explain what happened. The only thing they could tell me was that I had a dysfunction in my system, and that it sped up my evolution to adult vampire, but destroyed my aggression levels. Very strange, a genetic thing is what they blamed it on. It was also the thing that produced my ability to link into the Force. So much came out of one genetic malfunction; one little tremble in one being's body caused all of this. It's depressing and amusing at the same time.   
  
I remember that night our lives changed forever. I can remember it better then most of the nights following or the days after. The night I sealed our fates together, the night we doomed ourselves to die out here on this barren land. You remember it too; I can see that in your still soulful eyes.  
  
That day I had awaken to a new sensation, a sensation I had only had described to me. I should have heeded my body's warning; I should have gone to Neron. But I didn't know it could lead to anything damaging; I didn't think it was worth the attention. It was just a mild ache in the pit of my stomach, from when you used to find running from Yoda fun, after you made him mad, until you rammed into me and threw us both down the stairs. Of course, I only got a stomach pain and a bit of a headache, and you faired all right, considering you always found a way to land on me instead of me ending up on you. Still haven't figured out how you did that...  
  
Ah, a dry chuckle from you and a soft voice to continue it, "And I suppose you never will."  
  
Well, I guess not. But you can keep your secrets, Xan, I don't want to know. I've got to keep my own as well, you know.  
  
As it was, I didn't really notice the slight pain until about dinnertime. I remember sitting by you, watching you devour everything on your plate with that strange appetite of yours. I remember your Master didn't know what to do with your, hungry one minute, won't touch a bite the next, appetite, but we'll get to that later.  
  
Something attracted me to the meat of your meal. Don't ask me what, I couldn't tell you. It could be that the sauce looked like blood, or that I could smell the slight residue of real blood in the processed meat. Oh, I'm making you sick, sorry.  
  
"Xan, can I try a little of your meat?" I asked, looking away from the strongly enticing meat to your face with a look of pure pleading, something I had picked up from you.  
  
"I've taught you too well," you laughed, then looked at me curiously, "But I thought vamps didn't get hungry."  
  
"We don't, I'm just curious," I lied, surprisingly for the first time to you.  
  
"Alright," you said, offering your fork to me.  
  
So I tried my first and almost last piece of meat, and was sick from it. But I held it in, and handed you back your fork.  
  
"Are you okay?" you asked, worry flickering in your eyes.  
  
"Yes, I'm alright. Mortal food doesn't seem to agree with me though," I said, and found I kept glancing at your bare neck.  
  
"Maybe you should go see a healer, you don't look too well," you commented, not noticing my brief glances from your face.  
  
"No, no, I'll be fine," I assured you, and though you were leery, you relented, quickly finishing your meal with a flourish of activity.  
  
Soon we were all sent to bed. At that time, the crèche Masters had thought it wise to put students two to a room. By some strange twist of fate, we ended up in the same room, which ended up being a good and bad thing.   
  
I remember the first night I slept there, I was so nervous. Half because I didn't know how humans slept, though vampires generally tend to sleep with our eyes open. I halfway freaked when I first saw you sleep with your eyes closed, I thought you were dead. After I woke you up, you explained to me how humans sleep, and from then on, I had the nerve to call such rest the sleep of the dead. Strange how things seem to come back to you when you're going to die....  
  
The other reason was that I had always slept in a room alone. Sharing was not something I was familiar with, but to keep at least one friend not scared of me, I endured it, and soon couldn't really revert back when I became a Padawan.   
  
Sorry, I'm getting off subject again. My mind wonders more these days, must be the starvation.   
  
As it is, I awoke that night to tremendous hunger, and panicked. That was something I had never done. Before, I had never known the true definition of fear and utter bewilderment until that night. And so I turned to you sleeping in your mound of blankets, and I could hear and feel your heart beat resound within me, as easily as I could already taste your blood. At first I tried to fight it, at first I struggled to consider going to the healers. But in the end, the hunger overwhelmed my passive nature, and forced me to your bedside.   
  
"Xan, wake up," I whispered in your ear, and then leaned back to watch you stir.  
  
Dark eye lashes fluttered open, to reveal your ever-intense blue eyes.   
  
"Eno? What's wrong?" you asked sleepily, sitting up.  
  
"Xan," I bit my lip, and you gasped.  
  
"Enovan, are you hungry?" you asked, staring at my mouth.  
  
Reaching up, my fingers brushed my newly formed, sharp, fangs, and I gasped as well. I knew then what was happening, and I was frightened. I couldn't go to the healers, they would keep me away from everyone, or so I believed at the time. But I couldn't control the hunger either; already I was staring at your neck, hunger visible in my every move.  
  
"Yes, Xan," I said softly, fear and hunger melding in my voice.  
  
"How much do you need?" you asked suddenly, surprising me with your conviction.   
  
I should have realized you thought the same way as I. Neither of us wanted to lose our best friend, and together we were about to make the worst mistake of our lives, yet the greatest victory in the same breath. Amazing how such things have a double blade to them.  
  
"A little, I think, I don't want to hurt you," I said softly.  
  
"I know," you said, ever trusting, as you moved aside so I could sit on your bed.  
  
Rising, I sat by your side, and reached gentle fingers out to brush your hair away. It was long even in those days, and Force knows you rarely cut it then. Moving closer, I stared at your pale pulsing flesh, and knew not what to do. I know, it sounds ridicules, a vampire not being able to feed, but I didn't.  
  
So, delving into my rising vampire instinct, I let it move forward, and I suddenly found myself moving towards your neck, and sinking newly formed fangs straight into that ever-ready flesh. You tensed at the invasion, but didn't move, knowing it would hurt more if you did.   
  
Blood flooded from the wounds I made upon your flawless skin, and the second I tasted it, I knew I would never forsake you. Fire ignited my nerves, trailing through me, feeding my hunger to breathtaking levels. I nearly pulled away, nearly. But my hunger held my reason captive, and I let it, drawing even deeper upon your essence. Your emotions, your thoughts, your memories flooded me, swirling into me and becoming apart of my own soul, warming my near still heart. Wonder and terror filled me at such a sensation, and like a drug, it pulled me on. I could feel your body relax against mine, your wonder, pain, and intense pleasure ringing through my own soul. I couldn't get enough, wouldn't be able to. For a brief moment, we touched and held each other's souls, and in that one moment, I gave you the oath that binds me to you, even now. The one that has signed our deaths.  
  
/Ever and always, till the earth and sky fade, and even after, I shall hold you within my soul. Come what will, come what has, come what shall, I will never forsake you, nor injury you, but always protect you. Always you will be of me, and I shall be of you. For you are mine, and are my blood bonded, and I am your protector,/ I had sent to your slowly dying mind, unaware of what I meant, until it came ringing back to me in the later ages.   
  
Ah, such a simple oath, the oath spoken by all of my people since our evolution. How could such as that bring such problems.   
  
At that time, I did not realize I was killing you, until I felt your heart try to match my slow heart. Forcing myself away, terror filled me as your body slumped against me, seemingly lifeless.   
  
"Xan!" I called, shaking you gently, then harder.  
  
Your head whipped back and forth, but your eyes stayed close, and pure horror filled my soul. Yet above it all, I knew I had not killed you, for I sensed your heart, shallow and slow, but there, and I knew what I had to do.  
  
Lowering your body to the bed, I stood, and rushed off to the healers, knowing that this could have ended with me getting kicked out, and not caring. My soul was bond to that oath, and no matter what harm came to me, I would always protect you.  
  
For days on end after that, the Healers would not let me see you, and the crèche Masters kept me locked away from the others, afraid I would do further damage. I spent much of that time thinking over what had happened, though to my simple mind then, much of if did not make sense. What I could make sense of was that I had just changed both of our lives forever, and nothing would ever be the same again. I didn't question how I knew this, I just did, and my soul quivered at the thought. I lost count of the days I sat on my bed, worrying about you, and thinking of what I had done. I was afraid for you, yet every time I asked one of the Masters who came to check upon me, they could say little more then that you were fine.  
  
Finally the ban seemed to be lifted, when a Master, not of the crèche, but a regular Jedi Master, came to my room. I remember his every stance, his every move, his every glance. I remember his sharp, fearless gray orbs looking down into mine, his strong face set into an unreadable expression. And then he smiled ever so slightly, and knelt in front of me.   
  
"Your friend Xanatos is fine, and I am going to take you to see him in a little while. But first I want to talk with you, and access what has happened, with your permission, of course," he said,   
  
I nodded, unsure of where this would lead, but I felt no distrust for the Master before me, nor did I sense any fear from him. I did not need to distrust him, and he knew not to fear me, because he was of the few that had actually worked with my kind, there had even been rumors he had blood bonded with a vampire, who had died a while before. My dearest confident, besides you, my future Master, was there. But we shall get to that soon.  
  
He asked me questions, took a few blood samples, asked me more questions, and I did the best I could to comply. But I couldn't answer everything, yet he did not seem angry with this, only sad at the lack of knowledge I knew about my kind. Then he taught me, made me understand more. That our bonding had been a mistake, and was unchangeable now. He taught me my responsibilities to you, to protect my protector, to honor the blood of our union, to be devoted, to never cause you harm, those were of the things he taught me that day. I have always been grateful to him, because without him, I would have failed at my duties. Good thing he has already joined the Force, for I fear he would be disappointed now.  
  
Finally he stood, and took me by the hand. I allowed it, and smiled at his warm touch as he headed towards the door. He led me calmly down the halls, and finally to the healers ward. Leaving me at the door, he went and gave the blood samples to a healer, then turned back to me, that gentle smile of his on his lips. That is one of the things I've always missed since Master passed on, his heart-warming smiles. Everything always felt better after he smiled, and there was only one time when it failed to make it so, when he died.  
  
Forgive the tears, I've never grieved for him, I couldn't. The pain had been too much to let me do so, and I had to grieve for you first, as he always said, you came first. I wish I could cry true tears, of water instead of blood, but it is just another curse of my kind.  
  
I've got to continue, or I won't finish. Time and my own emotions are against me.  
  
He gestured me forward, and I came quietly, just slightly afraid, because of the healers' strange looks upon me, and of how you would react when you saw me. Would you hate me for almost killing you? Would you reject our deadly bond? Would you reject me? I couldn't have handled it if you did, and so I feared.  
  
We went directly to your room, and he opened the door for me, before gesturing me forward. I hesitated, and glanced in to see your pale form lying lifeless on a huge white bed in the middle of the room. Nervously I glanced at him, then you, unsure of what to do. I had never been so nervous, so utterly terrified of something related to you. Yet I stepped forward, and the door slid close behind me, leaving us alone. Slowly I walked forward, my eyes locked on your pale face. I saw the monitors and fluids connected to you from the corner of my eye, and my heart shuddered. I had done this to you, and I could only hope you would recover.  
  
Finally I reached your bedside and looked down upon you, studying your pale form with suddenly knowing eyes. I knew you, every piece and parcel of your soul had been apart of me during our bonding, and thus I knew you. I could feel it as if you were whispering it to me, that it wasn't my fault that I was who I was, I didn't ask to be this, and yet, the Force had wanted it. I felt it; you knew it deep within, and together, it made sense. Thus, I felt that you were fine, just tired from being drained of your blood and life force. Nothing could hold down your formable soul.  
  
Just as I was studying you, your eyes opened to look upon me, and a weak smile lit up your face, "What a rush, huh?" you asked softly.  
  
"So it was, and it'll take forever to get your emotions out of my blood. Ai, who would have thought you mortals were so complicated," I groaned playfully, taking your right hand in mine, noting the slightly cool flesh.  
  
"We mortals are rather surprising. And if you get the urge to jump down a flight of stairs anytime soon, don't blame me," you whispered, your eyes twinkling with mirth.  
  
"I'll just have to resist it," I laughed slightly, before I sat down upon the edge of your bed, seriousness sweeping over me as I thought over my next words.  
  
"What is it, Eno?" you asked, catching onto my serious mood.   
  
"Xan, I've got something to tell you. First, I want to apologize..." you cut me off quickly.  
  
"Apologize for what? It was much my deed as it was yours, I knew what you were going to do, I knew there was risk to me, and I accepted that risk. I'm seven now, I can make my own decisions, Enovan," you mocked scowled, though a triumphant sparkle lit up in your eyes, "And the feeling of it was worth the risk, as I said, it was quite a rush. But let me take a shot at what the other matter is. Would it have anything to do with this?"  
  
A gasp escaped me as I felt a sharp, noticeable pull on the blood bond between us, my eyes widening steadily as I felt a tendril of your thoughts touching mine. Looking to you, I noticed your grin, for you obviously enjoyed surprising me.  
  
"How?" I couldn't bring myself to ask you in full, but you understood what I meant, and your grin got wider if that was possible.  
  
"I discovered it when I woke the first time, though I haven't really had the time to mess with it, until now of course," you said, then looked at me with questioning eyes, "This is what you call a blood bond, right?"  
  
I nodded, for I remembered telling you about how my society works on Atan, where vampires, called Atare', are rulers, and the mortal race is only slightly below us in status. I remembered telling you of how humans were bonded to vampires for the rest of their lives by a blood bond. But I never understood, until then, just how much more the blood bond was besides a simple feeding channel. And so I explained to you all that I knew of it, and what my duties were to you, as what your duties were to me, and through it all you listened until I was finished. Then you lay back, your eyes half closed as you thought, your hand resting still within my own small ones. Silence wove around us, becoming thicker and thicker, to the point I wondered if I would stop breathing, until you finally broke the silence.  
  
"I do not like the thought of being owned," you said thoughtfully, still staring up at the ceiling.   
  
"It is a formality, it is not like it is on Atan, you are not a slave, nor owned by me," I whispered, looking down at the white sheets of your bed.  
  
"Yet I feel you own a piece of my soul now," you said, still not glancing at me.  
  
"You own a piece of mine as well, for what you suffer, I will suffer. Your pain will be mine, your tears my own, your shattered hopes are the fragments of mine. I can't live without you now, for as long as you live, I will never be able to take another's blood, and thus would die if you rejected me," I said softly; looking up to find you gazing at me, understanding in your eyes.  
  
"Then we both own a piece of each other's souls. I won't reject you; you're my best friend, I would have to be a Sith to sentence you to that fate," you said, and grinned suddenly, "Besides, M'jah can stop bugging me about getting hurt, now that I have you to 'guard' me."  
  
"As if you needed guarding. I'll only have to save you from insane green trolls, and staircases, but I do that already," I laughed slightly, "But, I think I can do something to get you out of this bed faster, if you trust me?"  
  
"Eno, that is the saddest question to ask after I've let you drain two thirds of my blood away. If I didn't trust you, why would I have let you?" you rolled your eyes in mock expiration.  
  
"Right, oh high one," I said, laughing a bit more, "Then you won't mind if I do this," I then raised your hand to my lips, and bit down into the soft flesh of the top of your hand.  
  
You grimaced, but didn't pull away as I began feeding my gift into your veins, by way of clear liquid that constantly coated my sharp canines. This liquid was one of the forms of life force a vampire produces from the blood he or she takes, and it has several properties, the most common being that of creating a new vampire outside the bonds of courtship, or to restore a piece of the life force we take from our bonded. Thus I gave this to you, and then sat back to see if what I had only been taught that morning would actually work.  
  
The first thing I noticed was that your eyes brightened, becoming sharper as the last of your weariness melted away. Your pale skin became pinker, shimmering with a healthy light as it became warmer to the touch. Sitting up, your gingerly flexed your free arm and hand, then wiggled your feet and toes, before looking up to me, a true smile upon your face. I'll never forget that look, it was as if someone had given you the greatest gift in the world, and you would never regret it. But you did, later on. I can still hear your screams now, cursing me for giving you back your strength, for keeping you alive for so long. Oh, Xan, I just can't bear to regret it myself, but you'll see why. We still have a ways to go yet.  
  
"What was that, or do I really want to know?" you asked, raising a midnight black eyebrow as you looked to me.  
  
"Vampire saliva, if you really want to know," I said, failing to hide the wicked gleam in my eyes.  
  
"Eww, and to think that is floating around in my veins!" you scrunched up your face in a disgusted look, though I knew you were halfway joking.  
  
"What? I could have left you in this bed for a few more days," I said, scrambling off the bed.  
  
"You wouldn't have," you said, pouting ever so slightly, still joking.  
  
"Oh?" I asked, raising my silver eyebrow in a mock expression of one of your favorite moods, then scrambled out the door, to tell a healer of your improved state. 


	3. Of our Masters

**_Sorry for the long wait. Thank you so much for your comments.:)_**

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****

_**It was of course, a few more days before they let you move back into our room, and then a few more days after that before you got to continue your regular schedule. My instructor, and soon to be Master devised a feeding schedule for us, so to ensure that I wouldn't weaken and take more then my fair share of your blood, while also allowing you a day to recover without missing much work. As you know, my kind feeds every three weeks, and can survive up to seven months without food, though the vampire usually loses sanity before the seventh month. My Master devised it to where I would feed every two and a half weeks, mostly given to my extreme need for more blood then a regular, normal member of my kind. The schedule worked out well; until we were old enough that I could store blood while you were gone on missions with your Master, and such with I and mine, then it was no longer necessary.**_

_**But as to it, the Council and the leaders of the crèche decided that it was too dangerous for me to remain with the other children, for even though I showed no sign of my brethren's intense aggression, I was beginning to show signs in possessiveness. I wonder how I could not have, for even now, I claim you as mine, no matter how much 'owning' you has hurt me, or that it will lead to my death. It's something that has flowed through the blood of my family for years, who was I to deny it.**_

_**But as to it, the Council made the decision of assigning me to a Master as soon as you were well, and of course, left me in the dark about it until that Master was chosen. I have no complaints on who they chose, I adored my Master, loved him as a son should love a father, but I was rushed, and felt often that I was a monster that they just put up with to keep war from Coruscant. Perhaps if they had not rushed me, or if I were not a prince of Atan, I would not have felt like such, and would have been able to help you better instead of battling my own demons.**_

_**Oh, shhh, don't say a word, save your strength for the dawn. It was a torment that I had to keep from you, and I have never regretted keeping it secret. You did not need more darkness in your life, dear Xan, and I would have suffered more to burden your soul then to carry my doubts alone.**_

_**On to it, I remember they day he came. We were in our rooms for the day, for it was a holiday on many worlds. Don't ask me what holiday it was, for Atan does not celebrate it, and from what I can remember, Telos did not either. So we just enjoyed the time off, opting to stay in our room and explore the newly constructed bond between us, for neither of us enjoyed the strange looks we received from many of our crèche mates, and you were still slightly weak, though you would not admit it. **_

"_**Come on, I know she likes you. I'm her best friend!" you declared, smirking at me as you stretched slightly on your bed.**_

"_**Oh, come off it, she does not. She obviously likes you by the way she looks at you," I commented, absently watching the ball I was tossing up and down with the Force.**_

"_**Force no," I glared at you, and you just grinned again, "Sorry. Anyways, of course not. We grew up together; we're like siblings, not like 'that'. She thinks of me as a brother, something to cuddle and beat up, not 'love'," your voice lilted at love, and I blushed at the thought of our aqua-eyed lady even liking me.**_

"_**And just what would she find attractive about a vampire that nearly killed her crèche brother?" I asked, tossing the ball at you, and you easily caught it with the Force, before tossing it back at me.**_

"_**She thinks you're cute, and don't ask me what she said on that. I spent nearly an hour listening to her go on and on about you, I nearly died in relief when Master Se' showed up," you muttered, rolling your eyes at the memory.**_

"_**She thinks I'm cute? Come on, Xan, tell me what she said?" I pleaded, turning your favorite pouting look upon you. You didn't even flinch, but grinned wickedly at me.**_

"_**Taught you well, I have," you said in your best Yoda voice, nodding sagely before erupting into laughter, "That's my look, do you think it would work on the Master?"**_

"_**Master, eh? I'll show you who's the Master here," I threatened playfully, pouncing on you, careful to not hurt you as we wrestled to the floor, neither of us gaining much advantage over the other, do to your larger build, and my reluctance to use my strength.**_

"_**Am I disturbing something?" an amused voice sounded from the doorway.**_

_**   
We looked up guiltily, to find Darrien Kero, the man who had taught me much about my people a few weeks before, grinning at us. **_

"_**I am glad to see you are both doing better. I hear you are healing quickly, Xanatos," Kero said, stepping into the room with flawless grace.**_

_**   
We rose together, and bowed to him, before you spoke up, "I am, sir, Enovan's help." **_

"Ah, yes, you've found a positive side to your bond. Good. I've come to discuss a matter which concerns the both of you, but mainly you, Enovan," Kero began, getting strait to the point as he usually did.

"_**They are not going to kick me out, are they, sir?" I asked, glancing at you to find the same question in your eyes, and the same fear.**_

_**   
Darrian shook his head, a warm smile on his lips as he sat down on my bed, "No, Enovan, they are not. You're not the first vampire Jedi they've had some trouble with, and it was only a minor set back. For your sake and Xanatos, neither of you are going to be sent away, no matter what. Instead, the Council sent me here to make an offer to you, if you are willing. They wish for me to ask if you would like to become my Padawan learner, so you can begin learning to control your already advancing vampiric powers, as well as your Force given gifts."**_

"_**You, as my Master?" I asked in shock, a grin starting to work its way onto my lips, for I had already grown a liking to him.**_

"_**Yes, I would be. It would be an honor to teach you, but it is both yours and Xanatos's decision. As a bonded pair, what affects one of you will affect the other, you must remember that," Kero reminded us, and I glanced at you.**_

_**/So, how are we to do this?/ I asked through our new bond.**_

_**/Well, I won't be able to be chosen for another two years at most. But we can't let that stop you from going on. You need more training then I do anyways,/ you answered, though I could feel your reluctance to separate just as easily as I could feel mine.**_

_**/I know, but... I don't want to leave you.../ I trailed off, unsure of how to continue this.**_

_**/I don't want you to leave either. But we'll see each other almost every single day, and if we don't, we always have this,/ you lightly tugged on our bond, causing me to smile.**_

_**/Are you sure? He could wait a while longer, I'm sure of it,/ I said, for a could not release the doubt in my heart.**_

_**You looked into my eyes, and smiled slightly, a spark igniting in your eyes, /I'm sure, Eno. You need this, and if you need it, it will help us both. We knew we'd be separated, taken in by different Masters sooner or later, it just happened sooner then we thought. And don't worry, I'll be a Padawan in no time, then we'll get to go on adventures together like we've always dreamed!/**_

_**A grin started to spread over my own face at the thought of it, /Very well, I guess this is just the beginning of such adventures./**_

_**You only gave me a secret type of smile, as if you knew something I didn't, and I couldn't help but chuckle mentally at it.**_

"_**He will be honored, as I am for him," you replied out loud, while mentally adding, /To the start of adventures./**_

_**/And the strong bond between souls,/ I finished, before turning my gaze to my Master, "I am more then honored, Master," I said and bowed, a warm thrill running through me as he returned my smile and took my small hand in his larger ones.**_

"_**Then so be it," he said, sealing us to the path we followed, and the lives we lived.**_

_**I do miss him greatly, but as I said, sorrow has no place here, only memories now.**_

_**A few more years passed, we grew older, and more attached to each other, despite the fact that I was then a Padawan, while you were not one yet. Few could separate us, and we couldn't really argue with each other, probably because I always gave in to everything you wanted. You were strong willed, even at the age of nine, and you knew exactly what you wanted.**_

_**And what you wanted, was the best swordsman in the Order as your Master. Now, that was something I could not deliver, but you kept your eye on him anyways, intent above all to gain him.**_

"_**Did you know he once deflected thirty blasters all by himself, while he was cornered and was barely nineteen?" you asked as we walked towards the arena. Though I had been a Padawan for two years by then, I still came with you to every showing, to watch you fight against the other's for the right to be chosen, and to hope that you would be.**_

_**   
"Yes, Xan, you've told me that a thousand times," I chuckled, shaking my head at your hero worship.**_

_**   
"But isn't he amazing? I would be the perfect Padawan for him, I just know it!" you practically gushed, and I could only sigh at it.**_

"_**You better watch that pride of yours, or Master Yoda will come up and smack you with that evil stick of his," I warned, glancing at you.**_

"_**Probably, but he would do that if he even saw me, let alone if he heard me. But it's not all pride, Eno, I just know. Its like a lock clicked when I saw him last choosing, the minute I looked at him I just knew, that was the Master for me. No other will do," you ended in a whisper, and a sad look came to your eyes.**_

_**   
"What is it?" I asked, stopping to look at you better.**_

"_**What if I'm not good enough?" you asked, glancing at me before lowering your head again.**_

"_**You are, Xan, you're one of the best. You know that, I know that. If it is meant to be, it will be, and nothing can change that. Just like we were meant to be. The Force works within us all, and if it sees fit for something to be, then it will be. Don't doubt that. Oh, if you continue to doubt yourself, I'll throttle you." **_

A small smile came to your lips, "You can't get rid of me, you need me."

"I've got replacements, you're just the prettiest," I said, smirking as you glanced at me in mock horror.

_**   
"I knew you wanted me only for my looks!" you declared, eyes wide as you expressed a mock of indignation fitting the royal courts of any world in the system.**_

"_**Of course. We vampires are attracted to pretty things; it's an immortal thing. And just what are you going to do about it now, anyways, oh little mortal?" I asked, grinning wickedly at you as I let my fangs show.**_

_**You were not the least bit troubled by my overlarge canines, but just playfully glared at me, "Oh, I must be so lucky to be pretty enough to attract the attention of a vampire. And since I can't do anything about it, just what more do you have planned for me, oh Master Immortal?" **_

_**Sometime during the two years, you had come to referring to me playfully as Master, as a play off of the customs of Atan, and because many asked for us to explain how we 'owned' each other. We treated it like a joke for so many years, a joke shared only between us, while others thought you were serious. That was always too good for a laugh...**_

"_**Ah, feed on you for a few years, then either kill you or make you immortal. Gotta follow tradition, you know," I shrugged as if it were no big deal, struggling not to laugh at the thought.**_

_**Ah, to be innocent again, to not have to carry out what I so playfully said so many years ago...**_

"_**Would you at least let me become a Knight first?" you asked, raising a black brow.**_

_**I raised a finger to my lips as if in thought, and then nodded, "I think that can be arranged."   
**_

"_**Oh, thank you, Master," you mocked bowed, then grinned, "Speaking of which, I better get in there. Wish me luck, and watch you know who." **_

"I will, and may the Force be with you," I said, returning your grin before you dashed off towards the locker rooms.

_**You were brilliant on the make shift battle field as you took on your opponent, willing yourself to be perfect in the eyes of the Masters and Knights around us, and particularly in the eyes of a certain one, and you were, for a child of your age. You had learned every kata of our level perfectly in preparation of this, and I could feel that many of the gathered could sense your commitment as well, and your skill. His eyes were always upon you, even when you were not competing, and I could see he was interested, though there seemed to be sorrow in his eyes, as if the choice he made was against his will.**_

_**At the end of it, the master you hoped to gain the attention of only turned away, a strange sorrow in his eyes as he headed to the door, not even daring to go down and speak with you, or the others. I glanced at you, seeing your pained look, and my heart hardened in me. He had every right to reject you if he felt you were not right together, but any could see that it was you he turned from, and the reason was not because you did not fit together in the Force. I walked swiftly down to the ring, where you still stood, looking after him, despair in your eyes.**_

"_**Xan..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say to you.**_

_**You turned to me, a sad smile on your face, "Its alright, Enovan. I still have time to be chosen." **_

"But not by just any Master," I said softly, glancing at the closed doors.

"_**No, but we don't always get who we want," you said, looking longingly to the closed doors, then back at me, "Come on, M'jah is waiting." **_

"Go on ahead, Xan, I need to see about something first," I said, starting to climb the stairs. That look in your eyes had done it, I couldn't let him go without an explanation on why he hurt you. No one had the right to just turn away like that, without a word. Our bond sent me the slight anger you kept hidden, and the sadness that you were not good enough for him. I couldn't let that stand without some reason.

"_**Enovan, what are you planning to do?" you asked nervously, having an idea of what I was going to do, **_

"_**Just go on, Xan, I'll catch up to you later," I said, nearing the door.**_

"_**Enovan, wait, don't, please," you said, though I heard your voice waver as the door closed behind me.**_

_**Stalking after the tall, intimidating Master, I concentrated on one thing. He had hurt you, rejected you without reason, and I wasn't going to allow it without a good reason. Finally I caught up with his long strides, and stepped in front of him, crossing my small arms as I glared up at him. He stopped, looking down at me with a strange expression in his eyes.**_

"_**Yes, Padawan Bloodfire?" he asked.**_

"_**You hurt him. I want a reason," I snapped, not really thinking of how much older and bigger the Master was.**_

"_**That is my own problem," he said.**_

"_**He thinks it's his fault. He thinks he isn't good enough because he's worshiped you for so long, and you rejected him without a word," I snapped.**_

"_**It isn't that, he is an excellent fighter for his age, and his focus is very strong, as are his skills," he said.**_

"_**Then it is me," I said gravely, glaring up at him.**_

_**He started walking again, "It is more complicated then that." **_

"No, it isn't. You are afraid; afraid of the bond we have, afraid of having an irregular Padawan. But Xanatos is more then the sum of our bond, he is an individual, who hurts and loves as easily as the next. Yet he's special, not perfect, but smart, and kind, and honorable. How can you turn him away just because he's bonded to a blood-sucking monster? It wasn't his fault, it just happened. If you want to blame it on someone, blame it upon me, but don't let Xan suffer because of your fear," I pleaded.

_**He stopped, and turned back towards me, an age old sadness in his eyes as he looked at me. For a moment, I felt as if he wasn't looking at me, but another, a specter of the past, then he blinked, and sighed softly, "Perhaps I am afraid. But perhaps I need to overcome that fear to move on from the past, but only if you promise me something, Padawan Bloodfire." **_

"Anything," I said sincerely, I knew he was a good man, and I knew he was the perfect master for you. I couldn't sacrifice the chance to get him to accept you just because I had a difference with him.

"_**I can see you are devoted to him, as a blood bonded should be. You are right, I am interested in taking him as my apprentice, but yes, your bond was an obstacle I didn't know if I could face. But if he is willing, and I let go of the past, perhaps we can make this work. But you must promise me, you'll never leave him," he said softly.**_

_**I blinked up at him, unsure of how to respond to that. It was a requirement that I had to stand by your side, it was my duty to guard and protect you. He was only asking me to swear by my bond again, just as my Master made me do. Just as I had done when I took your blood the first time. Yet the way he said it made me wonder at the true meaning behind his words, and ever did I ponder them. Now, now I realize what he meant...**_

"_**I promise," I finally said, and his eyes seemed to lighten, as if a weight had been taken from him.**_

"_**Very well, then I shall have to discuss this with him now," he said, and turned away, heading back the way he came.**_

_**I followed after, silently, unsure of whether I should watch or not as I watched him enter the room once more. I opened the door, daring not to go in as I saw you still waiting for me, your eyes wide as he came kneel in front of you. I never did hear what you two spoke, as I didn't dare eaves drop on your conversation, but I knew that I had succeeded when your face lit up in a huge grin. Then I slipped away, going out to find M'jah and tell her the news.**_

"_**I had always wondered at his change of heart. Imagine, all this time it was because of that promise," you gasp weakly.**_

_**Well, it wasn't all me. He wanted you as his apprentice from the start. It was our bond that was holding him back. I don't know why, he never seemed to find fault in my race, or any others, it was the bond that made him uneasy. The feeding didn't, nothing we did made him uneasy, only mentioning the bond did...**_


End file.
